May 3, 2020
Times are tough. We are each trapped in our own personal quarantine hell. There is literally nothing to do. I have provided a few thought-provoking games that have kept me busy during the lightless dog days of quarantine. I hope they help!
Ideal KOHL’S
In your head envision the layout of your most ideal KOHL’S. Below I have provided the blueprint for what I envision as the perfect KOHL’S:
Please let me know so that I can find you and kick your butt!
You can use my layout as a sample for your own. Be creative! Your brain is the only thing holding you back from creating a truly Perfect KOHL’S!
DISCLAIMER: If your ideal KOHL’S has more than two floors please provide a building that is being leased that has more than two floors where this KOHL’S could be realistically built. Three or more floors is awesome in terms of creativity and breadth, but this isn’t a pissing contest so if you are going to be like that you need to start being realistic and provide some data.
Aside: I have this premonition in my head that one of my last thoughts before I die (one of the scenes flashing before my eyes in my final instants) will be me with my dad in the KOHL’S in Schaumburg, Illinois near the stand where the Angry Birds and Star Wars and Family Guy and badass-clever-saying (“Please hold, sarcastic response loading…”) t-shirts were being displayed. I have been in that KOHL’S and looked at those shirts with my dad at least once every year from through years 5-18 of my life. It is such a sneaky and subtle memory in my brain that I almost sure that in my final instants my brain will drop the ball big time and present me with a KOHL’S memory that, while significant — in that it was something I did frequently with my dad — is less significant than, say, the time my dad was teaching me how to field grounders at the park near my house and a baseball hit me in eye and I got a black eye and cried and my dad comforted me — a much more touching memory. But probably the KOHL’S memory: a final win for capitalism and the KOHL’S brand before the belt wrapped around my throat intended as a belt of asphyxiation and pleasure quickly becomes the belt of asphyxiation and death!
Big Rock, Small Rock
Go outside and grab two big rocks, with one rock slightly bigger than the other one. You should be able to find these rocks right outside your door. If you are unable to locate two large rocks (with one rock larger than the other), just walk down to the creek and take some from the bottom of the stream bed.
Now go back home and take a strong tool — blunt or sharp, it does not matter, dealer’s choice as they say haha — and hit the larger of the two rocks until pieces of the rock start chipping off. Continue doing this until the larger rock is now smaller in comparison to the other rock. Now start breaking off chips of the second rock — originally the smaller rock, now the larger in comparison to the other rock. Continue chipping away until the larger rock, once the smaller rock, is now smaller than the smaller rock, which was once the larger rock.
You should be able to continue this fun game forever with the same two rocks because size does not exist.*
*Refer to Zeno’s Dichotomy Paradox. Zeno of Elea argues that distance does not exist because distance can be halved to infinity but never to zero. I am arguing that size does not exist either because if you have a rock and break it in half and then break that half in half and then break that halved half in half, etc., you will never have 0 rock — always 1/∞, which technically goes toward zero, but is never actually zero.
Johnny Depp’s Many Hats
Create a list of every movie where Johnny Depp wears a hat. I’ll help you get started:
Brimmed Hats:
— Pirates of the Caribbean 1
— Dead Man
— Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
— The Rum Diary
Indian Headdresses:
— Lone Ranger
— Dead Man
Bucket Hats:
— Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
This oughta get you started! Keep going until all his hats are accounted for! You are only limited by your creativity!
DON ZITO SCARELEONE (as played by Johnny Depp): “You come to me on the day of my Zombie daughter’s wedding”… etc.
Conclusion
In conclusion, that is all I can think of for now… If you have a really good quarantine buster/game idea, please comment in the comments section what you think this buster/game is. Also, if you know someone that can put ads on my site please comment in the comments section and we will be in touch.
