May 8, 2020
Coming Soon: National Treasure III: The Artifact of Clues
This re-imagining of the classic story of Benjamin Gates and his goofy assistant Riley (not to say anything of the beautiful and talented Abigail Chase ;^ ) ) is sure to shock the world with seat-gripping excitement and life-changing bliss. As a sneak preview I have provided the Prologue as well as Scenes I and II of NT3: AoC. Enjoy!
If you know George Lucas or Peter Jackson please hit my line… I believe that George Lucas or Peter Jackson will really want to read through this script. Let me know in the comments and I will reach out to you.
SYNOPSIS
When the nation’s ownership of the land acquired in the Louisiana purchase is revoked Benjamin Gates is hired to follow a series of clues to uncover the truth and reclaim his ancestors’ land.
PROLOGUE:
THE LOUISIANA PURCHASE
[Sounds of bullfrogs and insects buzzing around, as the camera focuses on a shack in the middle of a swamp in Louisiana. It’s night, pitchblack, and through the orange light in the shack we can make out the hunched body of a man sitting in a chair, a feather quill in his hand, writing furiously.]
[We are now in the house and we face this man front-on as he scribbles away at a scroll, adding big flourishes to cursive letters. He is mumbling to himself. If you are watching with subtitles you see that he says “‘…and all of the land that was previously mentioned above now belongs to us, the United States, thanks to the quick sales-ingenuity of me, Nathaniel Walton Gates.’ Aaaand… Done.” He dabs the scroll quickly with his quill, putting in the last period of the Louisiana Purchase. We pan up to the face of the man, no longer hunched over the scroll, but holding it up near his face to get a better look of it in the light, and see the proud face of NATHANIEL WALTON GATES (played by Christopher Lloyd).]
NATHANIEL WALTON GATES: (Christopher Lloyd voce🙂 Here you are, Tommy boy. It is not my best work, I’ll tell you that, but I think it’s just enough to catch that little Frenchy’s eye!”
[A man, previously unseen by us, sitting in a dark corner of the shack, emerges from the shadows and looks over Nathaniel Walton Gates’ shoulder at the document. It is the third president of the United States: THOMAS JEFFERSON (played by Steve Coogan).]
THOMAS JEFFERSON: Right, Nathaniel. (Eyeing the Louisiana Purchase document) I dare say it is some of your finest work…but do you really think that they will give us all of that land you’re asking for?
NWG: Do I have to do everything for you, Tommy boy? When the little guy gets here let me do all the talking, and we’ll go home with more than we can carry. Capeesh?
TJ: You are single-handedly going to shape the history of our nation. I’m not kidding when I say that.
NWG: Well, I don’t care about that. Not one lick. Nothing is more important to me than the future of the colonies and the spread of their honorable values. (but he says it in that Christopher Lloyd type of way where you’re thinking maybe he is joking?)
THOMAS JEFFERSON: Look, here… You call it the “Louisiana Purchase”… Why not call it the “Gates Pur —
[There are three slow knocks on the door of the shack. TJ and NWG look at each other, nod solemnly, and then NWG gets up from his seat to open the door. The camera shot looks directly in the doorway as it opens. We see two french soldiers. They turn sideways without entering, allowing the man standing behind them to walk through their tunnel and into the shack. Enter NAPOLEON BONAPARTE (extremely minor role, no notable actor necessary)]
NAPOLEON BONAPARTE: (Removing his fancy white gloves, one at a time, and placing them on the shack’s table) (Looking at TJ and then NWG, with a sneer) Alright, Yankees. Let’s make this quick.
BOOM.
TITLE SHOT:
NATIONAL TREASURE III: THE ARTIFACT OF CLUES
SCENE I:
CEMETERY IN VIRGINIA
[The shot begins as we see BENJAMIN GATES’ (played by Nicholas Cage, of course) back to the camera, as he looks at a simple stone obelisk: Thomas Jefferson’s Monticello: Thomas Jefferson’s grave.]
BENJAMIN GATES: (under his breath) You old bastard. You never could give him the recognition he deserved, could you?
[Screenwriter’s note and clarification: We know from the introduction scene that Thomas Jefferson was in fact very kind and thoughtful with Benjamin Gates’ great grandpa, Nathaniel Walton Gates, and we know that Benjamin Gates knows this because we know that BG knows all. Regardless, it is BG’s biggest flaw (and biggest attraction for one miss ABIGAIL CHASE (played by Diane Kruger), apparently) that he is unrestrainedly a dick to all.]
[BG crouches down next to Thomas Jefferson’s grave and brushes some leaves from a patch of grass nearby. There is a headstone underneath the leaves that says ‘Hoon Ann Legislate’]
BG: (smirking) His right hand man. And he didn’t even get his own headstone. Riley, come here.
[RILEY (played by Justin Bartha) appears from over BG’s shoulder.]
RILEY: (looking at the dirty headstone) Ah yes, the famous (squinting) .. “Hoon Ann.. Legislate?”
BG: (ignoring RILEY) Hoon Ann Legislate is anagram for Nathaniel Walton Gates, my great grandfather. Thomas Jefferson did not want anyone to know how reliant he was on my great-grandfather, so he made this fake headstone for his very real grave.
In 1803 Nathaniel Walton Gates wrote the Louisiana Purchase — the single greatest sales contract written in American history. He understood the dire financial and militaristic situation that the French were in and he was able to convince Bonaparte to sell more land than anyone thought possible. Without his contribution, we might not have ever been able to break off from the original colonies and expand westward (finally looking back, cheekily, smirking, over his shoulder at Riley).
RILEY: Ahh riiiight. Ben. I hate to play the cranky sexton, but there are a couple of guys right over there who look like they’d like to break off a few of our colonies.
[BG stands up and they both turn to see two, seemingly, CIA agents clad in black suits and holstering guns, standing close behind them. The agents turn to face each other like the swinging doors of a saloon, revealing a man standing behind them: PRESIDENT CORNMAN (played by Dan Akroyd)].
PRESIDENT CORNMAN: Ben.
BG: Ah, Mr. President, out here to pay your respects to the nation’s weakest founding father? (gesturing towards Jefferson’s grave)
PA: Ben, we need to talk. The Louisiana Purchase has been stolen.
[BG smirking (he must’ve known this would happen sooner or later), RILEY dumbstruck, mouth agape, immediately turning towards BG for reassurance.]
BG: Well that’s too bad. Unfortunately, Riley and I must be leaving (slapping the president on his shoulder in a friendly way that makes the agents flinch towards their guns) (sidling past the president). You see there is a game of bocce ball down at Pinstripes that is calling our names. C’mon, Riley.
[Uncertain, RILEY, begins hesitantly to walk past the president, following BG]
RILEY: (to PA) Uuuhh…Sorry, sir.
[BG and RILEY walking away, RILEY occasionally looking back over his shoulder]
PA: (calling after them) Ben. We need your help. You’re the only one who can get it back.
BG: (waving the back of his hand in farewell, without facing the president) I’m sure one of the Jeffersons’ll be able to figure it out!
[BG and RILEY enter RILEY’s 2019 Porsche 718 Cayman. RILEY looks over at BG.]
RILEY: That’s the president… of the United States…Are you really not going to help him?! He’s like in the top 4 or 5 most important people in this country! Ben.
BG: (twisting the rear view mirror towards him (an extremely rude thing to do) and checking himself out in it, adjusting his hair) Riley, why do you insist on riding around in his ridiculous vehicle? You know, in 1747 Matthew Buggy invented the Horse and Buggy, and everyone got around in that quite fine.
About the Louisiana Purchase mystery?: I quit the history hunting business a long time ago, Riley. You know that.
RILEY: (under his breath) ‘Oh sure, Mr. President, thanks for the offer, but I am going to have to pass, I’ve got a pressing game of bocce ball that I have to get to.’
[RILEY backs his 2019 Porsche 718 Cayman out of the cemetery and they cruise away.]
SCENE II:
PINSTRIPES BAR: WASHINGTON D.C.
[The shot begins as we see BG and RILEY inside Pinstripes bar, standing in a small rectangular pit covered with artificial turf: the bocce ball court. We can see on a chalk scoreboard written behind them BEN: IIII IIII RILEY: II. There is a long and irritated crowd surrounding the pit, evidently other people want to play bocce ball and BG and RILEY have been hogging it for quite a bit.]
IRRITATED BAR PATRON: Are you two almost done yet? The score is 10-2. Isn’t that enough of a game?
BG: (Only half-looking at IRRITATED BAR PATRON, weighing the ball in his hand, lining up his shot) You know, several years after the Declaration of Independence was signed, there was a time of peace and serenity amongst the colonies as they began to ease into their sense of freedom. And with that came the need for leisure. (swinging his arm back and forth preparing to release his shot) So, twelve of the founding fathers created the game of bocce ball to pass the time. Their rule was that the game was over once one of the players reached a score of 12: one point for each of the inventors of the game. (finally releasing the ball … knocking RILEY’s ball out of play. Bullseye.)
(Now turning to face IRRITATED BAR PATRON) (smugly:) So that would be: Andrew Adams, John Adams, Thomas Adams, Samuel Adams, Edward Biddle, Daniel Carroll, Titus Hosmer, William Floyd, James Smith, William Whipple, Richard Smith, and Thomas McKean. Twelve. Any other questions?
[Confused and realizing that it would not be worth the fight, IRRITATED BAR PATRON exits.]
[BG walks over to add another notch to his score on the scoreboard. 11-2. One game away from victory.]
ABIGAIL CHASE: William Williams.
BG: (Surprised) Abigail.
AC: William Williams. You said that William Whipple was one of the founding fathers who invented bocce ball. It was William Williams not William Whipple.
BG: (Smiling. Benjamin Gates loves a debate, especially with the lovely ABIGAIL CHASE about the history of the United States.) Yes, I believe that Williams was there observing the creation of the game. But in terms of actually playing bocce ball and inventing the rules it was in fact Whipple who was there.
AC: My great great-cousin was actually William Williams. We have a daguerreotype of him at the bocce ball field with the other founding fathers. I should show it to you sometime.
BG: That may be, but —
AC: Ben, I’d like for you to meet my boyfriend Ray Washington. He is the Director of Clue-Holding Artifacts for the U.S. Government.
[A man who had been standing behind AC during her and BG’s exchange now appears at AC’s side: RAY WASHINGTON (played by Ray Romano).]
RW: (Ray Romano voice) Mr. Gates. It’s great to finally meet you, I feel like I’ve heard so much about you.
BG: (Shaking RW’s hand) Hihowsitgoing. (looking back at AC) Well, it was great to see you Abigail. You look great as ever. But as you can see I am busy teaching Riley how bocce ball is meant to be played.
RILEY (distantly, from the bocce ball pit) It is not as bad as the score makes it look… (waving) Hi, Abigail.
AC: (waving) Hi, Riley.
[BG walks back to the bocce ball pit and he instructs RILEY to go and grab all of the balls so that they can begin a new round.]
AC (sidling up next to the pit with RW): Ben — can we talk for a minute? I’m glad we ran into you. Ray has something that I think you might find interesting. It was a gift from President Cornman. He and Ray are very close.
BG: (taking a drink from his glass of bourbon, no ice, no chaser) (not looking at AC): Is that right?
[RILEY throws his bocce ball. Pretty close to the pallina, also known as the “target ball”. (reference: https://www.backyardbocce.com/basic-rules/)]
AC: Please just take a look at it, Ben.
[BG tosses his ball. Average toss. Not close, but also not far from the pallina. AC extends her hand out to BG to give him something. In her hand is, what appears to be, a very old coin.]
RILEY: (tiptoeing to get a look over Ben’s shoulder at what is in AC’s hand) Looks like a coin for the world’s oldest arcade.
[Riley takes his turn. Not even close. BG has still not even glanced at the coin.]
RW: It’s one of the first quarters printed as part of the original Louisiana Purchase Quarter Series from 1814.
BG: (with ball in hand, poised to throw, finally glances down at AC’s palm to see the coin) (in just a glance) Sorry, Ray. (throwing his bocce ball) That is a fake. (Very close to a bullseye, but a little off the mark).
[Everyone is shocked. AC, RW, and RILEY are all mouth-agape.]
RILEY: Ben, that is impossible. They only made 15 of these quarters — one for each of the states that were established as part of the Louisiana Purchase. Each of those quarters, besides being completely priceless, is watermarked with each state’s official bird so that you can tell that it is real.
[RILEY’s turn to throw his bocce ball. He tosses it. His ball softly clinks the pallina. Bullseye.]
BG: That may be, Riley. But I have seen all of those coins — my great-grandfather designed those coins, in fact. Last I checked none of the 15 Louisiana Purchase states had the Bald Eagle as their official bird (referencing the bald eagle watermark on Ray Rom — I mean, RAY WASHINGTON’s old coin)
[BG, as elegant as ever, tosses his bocce ball. It practically lands on top of the pallina.]
RW: That can’t be. The President himself gave me this coin. It’s from his collection. Why would he give me a crap coin?
[RILEY tosses his bocce ball. Who cares? We all know BG is going to win. Fuck it.]
BG: Well last time I saw the president he gave me a load of crap as well, so I wouldn’t be surprised. (takes a drink of his bourbon)
[BG tosses the last ball of the game. Boom. Nails the pallina. Winner again.]
BG: (looking over at RILEY) Looks like I win again.
RILEY: (downtrodden, sarcastically, waving his hands) Hooray… The Great Benjamin Gates wins again.
[RILEY leaves to go retrieve the bocce balls for the next players to use. Thoughtful.]
BG: Well. Again. It was good to see you Abigail. Tough luck about that coin, eh, Mr. Romano, or I mean, Washington.
RW: (angrily, immediately taking BG’s coin diagnosis as Law) You can keep the goddamn coin, Ben. It’s not like it’s worth anything anyways. (he takes the coin out of AC’s hand and thrusts it into BG’s hand, and then storms off angrily out of Pinstripes)
AC: (angrily, as well) As always, Ben, good to see you. (storming off after Ray)
[BG turns over the coin in his hand, looking down at it thoughtfully now.]
RILEY: Abigail’s new boyfriend sure does look like Ray Romano, huh?
BG: (still looking at the coin, his back to Riley, ignoring the comment) Loser gets the next round, eh, Riley?
[RILEY, frowning, walks away to go get another round of drinks at Pinstripes. BG remains looking at the coin in his hand.]
