November 8, 2019
More than anything the goal of benkbrady.com is to generate revenue! Unfortunately, my first article Help Me! did not make the splash that I thought it would. Several contracted creatives had to be let go, so now Ben Brady Creative Production Industries is just me and 7 off-shore contracted creative consultants. One of these contractors (Nikola, official job title: “Creativity Ninja”, my idea on that job title, haha) suggested a migration away from viral Twitter personality to online SEO guru.
The purpose of this article is to inform you on my transition to becoming an SEO Rockstar! It is also to get my feet wet in the SEO game. Ever Google “What is SEO”? Well, why not give it a try and see if I show up!
What is SEO?
SEO stands for Search Engine Optimization and it is the algorithmic system in place that decides what content shows up first on a search page when you look up something on a search engine. This algorithm ranks your post or site or whatever based on many different factors like relevancy of the page content, page speed, and website linking structure efficiency, among other things. I’d go into more detail here, but there is no way that I will be able to show up for a “What is SEO?” search, because there are dads all over the world whose sole job it is to make sure that their company or blog shows up for the “What is SEO?” search. I will not take food out of the mouths of hardworking SEO rockstars! Though, that means that this whole blog post is probably all in vain!
Here’s an example of how SEO works: Say you want to start laughing a little more, so you Google “who is the funniest twitter” (presumably you are hoping to find the funniest Twitter accounts and then follow them for laughs, but Google doesn’t need to know all of that ;^ ) Also, I will save you some trouble here, just follow @ExtremeChillGuy for true hilarity). Here is how your search shows up:
SEO is having the best content (as decided by Google’s algorithm) on your post. If you have the best content on your site in your post, Google will see that and put your post on the top of its search page.
Ok, super trill, I get it. Wait, but why would someone care to be on the top page of Google? Is it just an altruistic desire to actually provide, out of the goodness of your heart, and your connection with the Community, the most concise and complete list of Twitter’s funniest accounts? No! It is because of this! Ads!
I group SEO in with eSports as Things That No One Should Have Ever Paid Someone To Do. In the utopian anarcho-communist future that we are all working towards, striving to write the best, most concise, and relevant article on how to tie your shoes, in the interest of earning pennies per visitor from ad revenue, will disappear. In that utopian future all of the online articles that will show up on Google (I mean, realistically, will Google still exist after the Revolution? Share your thoughts in the comments.) will exist out of necessity. Articles like:
- How do I treat my soil so that my harvest is the most bountiful?
- How to dismantle existing forms of land and industry ownership
- General stores near me
People are being paid for writing an online article (albeit “the” (subjective) “best” online article on that subject) about how to tie your shoes. Here is a link for the second-most popular result for Googling “How to tie your shoes” (DO NOT CLICK ON THIS LINK! The point of this article is that I get the ad revenue from these Google searches. I am selling myself as the clean salesman (is this like Madmen? I don’t know I haven’t seen it…) so that you don’t get caught in the serpent’s hold of realmenrealstyle.com’s How to tie your shoes THE RIGHT WAY article):
https://www.realmenrealstyle.com/tie-shoes-right-way/
This is the first thing that you encounter when you click on that link:
Also just look at this shoe-tying graphic from this article:
Maybe something to be learned from this article is how I should write my SEO posts. Every step in this tutorial also sounds like a Real Men Real Style’s step-by-step tutorial on how to pick up a girl at a bar.
Step 1: Establish your “laces”
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Step 4: Encourage the Loop
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Step 6: Bringing It Towards You
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Step 10: Now pull the knot tight.
Step 11: Celebrate and buy yourself a drink. You’ve done it. You’ve tied your shoe.
The point of this article, by the way, again, is to establish myself within the SEO genre, so that one day I can stand toe-to-toe with SEO rockstars like Rand Fishkin. If you’re not familiar with him, Rand Fishkin, uh yea, basically, created SEO!
I have an elaborate plan/fantasy where I run into Rand Fishkin at a bar prior to one of his big instructional presentations for an SEO conference located in my town. Recognizing Mr. Fishkin at the bar, but playing it cool, I offer to buy him a drink (I am not going to the SEO conference, but I know that it is going on, so I immediately make the connection of Rand’s presence in town and the conference down the block):
“Hey, man, you look like you could use a friend. Have a tallboy Nordeast on me. They’re the Friendly Beer.”
“Thank you, young man. Yes, I am feeling a little blue these days. You see, I am Rand Fishkin: thee SEO rockstar. Things are just not as glamorous as they used to be in the SEO industry, and I feel that I am growing tired of it all. I hope one day soon to settle down and pass on the SEO rockstar torch.” (sips his Nordeast) “Say, son, do you know what SEO is?”
“Oh you mean Search Engine Optimization? Yea I’ve heard of it and how it uses an algorithm based on web crawlers and user experience to rank a website or blog post or whatever, determining how high up on a search page it may show up. What about it?”
(whispering under his breath so I can barely hear him) “Incredible.” (louder now, normal volume) “Listen, young man, I am in need of an apprentice. It is no easy work, but you will be sipping Nordeasts with SEO bunnies in no time if you work hard and get things done!”
(chugging the rest of my Nordeast) “Fuck yea. I’m in.”
After this article goes live, benkbrady.com will be devoted to snatching up all of the easiest, low hanging fruit, Google searches out there. And because the anti-state, anti-capitalist revolution has not yet begun, I am going to try and profit (pennies, just pennies) from ad revenue! So, do not be surprised when you check benkbrady.com tomorrow and see that the newest post is called “How To Pour Your Drink In A Glass The Right Way”.
